Getting Over Yourself: Developing a Healthy Self-Reflection Habit to Serve Those Around You

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In life and in ministry, our reactions reflect our deep convictions. Often those convictions are good, biblical and life-giving, but sometimes they are unexamined and harmful to those around us. And while God never says that self-improvement can come solely from within, he does encourage his people to examine themselves and aim to become more like Christ. We prayerfully change—we get over ourselves—by seeking to more closely imitate Jesus the servant.

But how do we explore our hearts and lives without drifting into self-absorption? What situations could benefit the most from a time of reflection? How can we ensure we have good self-reflection habits?

In Getting Over Yourself, Caroline Spencer answers these questions and others as she provides a model for healthy Christian self-reflection. She works through the rationale of growing a self-reflection habit while avoiding the pitfalls, and outlines with examples a useful structure that encourages us to see how God’s grace is shaping and transforming us. Our goal all the way through is to grasp a deeper understanding and wonder of the gospel, and to become more effective in loving service of others.

About the Author:

Caroline Spencer is a graduate of Moore Theological College, Sydney and has spent the last 20 years working in Christian ministry. She is a qualified pastoral supervisor, providing a safe, brave space for ministry workers to reflect on their work practice and become wiser practitioners, for their sake and the sake of the people they serve. Prior to her pastoral work, Caroline spent three years developing and refining material to help Moore College students build healthy self-reflection practices to prepare them for a life of Christian ministry.

In life and in ministry, our reactions reflect our deep convictions. Often those convictions are good, biblical and life-giving, but sometimes they are unexamined and harmful to those around us. And while God never says that self-improvement can come solely from within, he does encourage his people to examine themselves and aim to become more like Christ. We prayerfully change—we get over ourselves—by seeking to more closely imitate Jesus the servant.

But how do we explore our hearts and lives without drifting into self-absorption? What situations could benefit the most from a time of reflection? How can we ensure we have good self-reflection habits?

In Getting Over Yourself, Caroline Spencer answers these questions and others as she provides a model for healthy Christian self-reflection. She works through the rationale of growing a self-reflection habit while avoiding the pitfalls, and outlines with examples a useful structure that encourages us to see how God’s grace is shaping and transforming us. Our goal all the way through is to grasp a deeper understanding and wonder of the gospel, and to become more effective in loving service of others.

About the Author:

Caroline Spencer is a graduate of Moore Theological College, Sydney and has spent the last 20 years working in Christian ministry. She is a qualified pastoral supervisor, providing a safe, brave space for ministry workers to reflect on their work practice and become wiser practitioners, for their sake and the sake of the people they serve. Prior to her pastoral work, Caroline spent three years developing and refining material to help Moore College students build healthy self-reflection practices to prepare them for a life of Christian ministry.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and then wondered ‘What just happened!?’ It’s a great question, and glib answers don’t help much. In all the relationships and events of our lives, there’s one common and complicated factor: us. There’s a lot going on in our heads, and we often have trouble understanding ourselves and how we affect other people. Being self-aware isn’t easy—it’s hard to step outside of an event and see what was really going on, both inside and outside ourselves. And yet self-awareness is vital in every relationship we have. The more self-aware, the better.

Caroline Spencer has done us a great service by writing this clear and simple guide to a process of self-reflection—a way to pause and understand events and interactions with people, and what we might learn about ourselves and others. The wisdom in Getting Over Yourself can help us answer that very important question, ‘What just happened?’
— Al Stewart, Former National Director, Fellowship of Independent Evangelical Churches Australia

Caroline Spencer has written a valuable book, enriched by life experience and years of working to refine a tool for self-reflection with adult students. She clarifies that this tool, based on seeing self in relationships, is not a feel-good self-help tool but takes the reader on a journey of improved self-awareness and humility through conscious reflection. Caroline paves the way for people to reduce subjective ruminations and instead learn from observable facts. Her examples show how freeing this exercise is. It gets beyond the default of blaming others, enabling us to get over our pride and learn how to bring one’s best to others. This is about serving others without losing self-responsibility—a key to Bowen family systems. In Caroline’s sources, she acknowledges God imprinting his wisdom on the world as part of common grace. I am glad this accessible book has come to fruition, as I have no doubt it will be helpful to many.
— Jenny Brown, Author of Growing Yourself Up: How to bring your best to all of life’s relationships

Ministry is both a privilege and dangerous. It is expected that ministers will give of themselves, and ministers and their congregations may believe their responses to each other are always pure and theologically sound. But we are all complex people, defending deeply held convictions we may not be aware of and behaviours we don’t even notice. Getting Over Yourself is most welcome as it challenges these dangerous assumptions. Caroline Spencer has deep insight into how people in general, and ministers in particular, ‘tick’. Armed with deep theoretical insights, she simply and helpfully shows you how to self-reflect better and more deeply, and then guides you into doing it yourself. The outcome is hugely beneficial for both the reflector and those for whom they seek to care. I have found this book to be so valuable that it is now the set reading for our college students. But because everyone will benefit from self-reflection, I commend it to anyone desiring to better understand what is going on for them.
— Archie Poulos, Head, Ministry Department, Moore Theological College

We’re all ‘works in progress’, but often it feels like we’re going nowhere. We repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Caroline Spencer’s Getting Over Yourself offers a fresh way to break this cycle. By reading this book, and trying out the excellent practical suggestions, we can become more and more like the Christian servants we want to be.
— Sam Chan, Head trainer and mentor, EvQ school of evangelism, City Bible Forum